She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
