Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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