just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Randomize
