smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
