We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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