You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
