What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
