my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
