from now on my penis is your penis
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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