I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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