Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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