i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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