She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
