He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I wear drunk well.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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