Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
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