you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
