Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
