If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
