I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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