operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
