jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
