I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
