I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
