dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
