The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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