So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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