VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
im six kinds of drunk right now
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
