i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let's get the cat blown out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
