So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
