Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
