I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
