I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
