ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
