oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
