honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
