The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His nipple licking is glorious
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
