i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
