You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
