bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
