As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
