I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
