Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
