hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
