Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
