hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
