If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
