McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
