you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i dont even know how to be here
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
