Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
