which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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