I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
