we have officially mastered the walk of shame
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
