After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
