Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
